Community. Relationships. Heartful intimacy. These are things we were created for. These are desires that are good, desires that are from God, desires that He put in us.
But why are they so hard to find? I’m having one of those days when I feel completely unknown. I don’t feel like talking about whats going on with me (which as many of you are aware of is not normal for me) because I don’t feel like people will get it or actually care too much to be honest. I long for deep heartful community that I’ve had in the past. I’ll watch and hear other people talk and interact with their spouses/boyfriends/best friends and long to enjoy the company of someone else that much AND HAVE IT BE MUTUAL and know that it’s mutual. I enjoy the company of a lot of people but never feel like it’s a two way street.
And why can’t my mind comprehend and grab on to the fact that the way I desire to be deep, close and intimate with someone and to be known and to know…….God feels that way towards me and wants that from me. My head hears that and can rationally understand and relate to that. But get to my heart and obviously it does now. Why is it so obvious you ask? Well, think about it……….
The God of the universe created me, designed me, sacrificed his own son for me displaying the depth of his love. This God desires to have a close and intimate relationship with ME! The all powerful mighty creature wants to be close and know ME deeply. He wants me to pursue and chase him the way I desire others to do to me. He wants me that much. All the things I feel and desire about relationships and community……He desires with me. If I knew that and i mean REALLY knew that in my heart…….would I not live different? Would I not seek Him more? Would I not run around telling everyone about this awesome person who wants me? I mean if this was a man in the flesh who had a romantic interest in me and I knew all those things about him…..wouldn’t I be jumping off the roof with excitement?
So, whats my problem? That is the question of today and probably every day for the rest of my life. What is my problem.
